The Mountains are Calling

I have a deep love for mountains. I was raised outdoors exploring all the wild wonders of nature. There is nothing like escaping to someplace as beautiful and tranquil as the mountains. I am craving the sense of wellbeing and peace that I find when I journey there. I love the sounds of the wind blowing against the leaves in the trees, the sound of a little bubbling brook, a raging river or the serene stillness of a hidden lake. I love the absence of city noise and prefer to go to less densely populated areas. I need to take the time to go really soon. I have not been able to enjoy trips to the mountains much in the last several years. When I go, I have a sense of going home. I find great comfort, healing and joy from the outdoors. I know that a lot of people seek out this same experience by going to the beach. While I love the ocean and I do enjoy it immensely, it’s the mountains that I crave. My yearning to spend time in the mountains continues to grow with each passing day. I look at them longingly on my way to work and on my way home. I love the look of the soft peaks as the sun rises above them in the early morning quiet hours, I love the way the sun sets behind them and sets them all aglow… but even more, I love being in them, enjoying the sounds, the smells and all the beauty that surrounds me.

Eyes

Look into my eyes
And tell me what you see
If you look deep enough
You’ll see me.

Behind the smile
Behind the face
I have a soul
That’s filled with grace

An inner strength
That will not break
But also a softness
You can’t mistake

(there I go with the poetry again! Maybe if I keep trying it, eventually I will be good at it! LOL)

Rain

After a few days of sunshine, we are back to rain here in the Pacific Northwest (Surprise! LOL). While I am a girl who definitely thrives and flourishes in the sunshine and the rain can definitely “play with my mood”, today I have the day off. All of my “have to’s” are finished and I can just sit back and enjoy the tranquility. I love the sound of the rain as it touches my rooftop. I love the smell of the damp earth and the scent of the pines. Today, instead of depressing, I am finding the rain to be enjoyable and soothing. Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to sun breaks again soon, but for today I will enjoy the weather just for what it is, rain. I will open my windows and let the smell permeate through my living space. I will light candles and chase away a little of the grey. I will put on some good “soul music” and let my body sway with the soft rhythms. I will let the softness of the weather nourish me and the gentle sounds fill me with peace.

Have you had your laugh today? LOL

Laughter…. As I have stated before, laughter (and a good nights sleep! Haha!) truly is the best medicine. I have had a couple of rough weeks. Life is full of seriousness and responsibilities. If you don’t find the humor or see the beauty or the good, it’s all too easy for life to get the better of you.

Tonight I had a great shift at work. We laughed, we joked, I danced with the girls and just let my hair down (figuratively speaking of course, my job requires my red mane to be in an “up-do”).

I am back to feeling like myself. I am thankful for that. I am an optimist at the core. I know myself well and I like who I am. I seem to have an inborn ability to set the tone. If I am sad, angry or frustrated it seems that those around me are sad, angry or frustrated. On the flip side, if I am having a great time, it seems that everyone around me lightens up and joins in the fun. I have great leadership abilities, even though I choose not to be a leader.

I enjoy the beauty around me in people and places. I love the scenery on the drive to work every day, even though I see it all the time. I enjoy watching all the changes as the seasons progress… the sun peaking out from the mountain tops, the snow line changes with fresh snow or melting snow, the green darkening on the leaves as summer approaches and the flowered blooms as they fall to the ground to make way for new growth. I can choose to be oblivious to all this great beauty or I can choose to breath it in, bask in it, savor it, and let it fill me with great peace and serenity.

Exercise and eating right are good for the body; laughter is good for the soul.

Addiction

Bring on the suffering!

I know, that sounds really bad; but in this instance it’s actually a good thing. It means I am winning. LOL

Ok… I will back it up and start at the beginning.

I am working on breaking an addiction. I do not wish for any thing, substance, or person to have control over me. My addiction does. When I first started to work on breaking my bad habit, I would sit and tell myself how miserable I was and how horrible this whole experience is. I had a realization. Yes, the withdrawals are painfully miserable; however, that suffering means I am not giving in to my addiction. I am taking back my power. My addiction is loosing its hold on me. With each agonizing moment, I am becoming a stronger, better person. Ohhhh it’s not easy. I have given in to the cravings more than once, but I have not given up. Progress is progress. I celebrate my successes and learn from my set backs.

BTW… for all the Nosey Nelly’s out there, I am quitting smoking. LOL ;-)

Ahhh the bliss of sweet, sweet dreams....

or so I WISH!!!! Sleep eludes me. It’s such a natural state of being, yet one I seem unable to accomplish these days. I, like every other living being on the planet, do actually require it to function. Argh!!

If you could see the future...

If you had a crystal ball, would you want to know your future? What would you ask? How much would you really want to know? Would you only ask about specific things? Would you want to only know the good, or would you want to know the bad too? Would knowing your future or about specific events take some of the wonder and excitement out of life by eliminating the surprise? Would you spend your time so wrapped up in the worry about a specific even that you would quit living for today? Would it alter your life course to the point that the predictions for you became invalid?

I would not want to know anything about my future if I were given the chance for prediction. I would perhaps want to know about paths I should follow or signs to look for, but nothing specific. There are times that not knowing what will happen, or what to expect is frustrating and frightening. There are times when I think I want to know the future regarding a specific part of my life that I may be struggling with or unsure about, but in the end, I think its best to just not know. I think knowing too much about what is going to happen in the future would make it nearly impossible to live in the Now. The Now is a very valuable part of our life; it is what we are currently experiencing and where we currently live. There are lessons to be learned in the Now to prepare us for what will happen in our future. I think we could become so focused on the future that we would miss much of the present. We may not be able to fully enjoy people, or places or events that are currently ours to enjoy if we knew the outcome in the end.

I may have an insatiable curiosity about many things. I may think I want to know it all, but in the end, I only want to know what is mine to know for the time being. I want to live in the Now and not try and live out the future. The future will be here soon enough, and then it will be the present and I will take that day just like I took today….one day at a time. I have my own goals, dreams and desires for my future and I do hope that some of them are realized for me, but I will take the anticipation of not knowing for now what is going to happen next.

Life...

I recently had the unfortunate opportunity to be reminded of how frail life can really be. While the loss is very difficult for my family, it also reminds me that life is precious. We should embrace it and live each moment as though it’s our last, because you never know when it just might be…

I believe we should laugh at least once a day. Not a little giggle, but a deep belly laugh that feels good all the way down to your toes. I believe there is a lot of healing in laughter.

I believe we should give gratitude to our Higher Power each and every day. Every day we encounter and receive countless blessings. We are usually just so wrapped up in the mundane day to day tasks that we often overlook them or take them for granted.

I also believe we should acknowledge and give thanks to those around us who are there for us on many levels. Whether if be family, friends or coworkers, there are people who do things just for us on a daily basis. I try very hard not to take those around me and those I care about for granted. When you are no longer able to see them for the blessing that they are, they begin to feel unwanted, unneeded and unappreciated. That to me is a very sad thing, yet it’s such an easy rut to fall into with out even realizing it.

I believe we should love, passionately and deeply with out fear. Not a co-dependant love. I am not suggesting that everyone find someone to “complete them”, I believe we need to complete ourselves. I also don’t think you should love someone to feel good about yourself or to fill your own needs. This is the type of selfish love that gives love a bad name. I am talking about LOVING someone, just for who they are.

I believe we should also love and embrace ourselves. We are truly unique in our own way and each of us holds a different set of life experiences that sets us apart from every other soul on the planet. That’s pretty mind boggling if you sit and think about that. We are each given gifts, talents and challenges. We all have our own contribution to make in our time here on earth, and that time is short when you really start to look at it.

We need to make a conscious effort to embrace each moment, to savor the time we are given. We need to stop and reflect on all the beautiful gifts we encounter each day instead of getting so trapped in the challenges that we face. Its so easy to get stuck in the negative and forget to see the positives and the beauty and gifts we are each given.

My children are a gift. I was medically told I would probably be unable to have children, but here I am, mother of three. They defied medicine and I am truly grateful for them. I receive much joy in watching them learn and grow as they develop into the people they were meant to become. They challenge me, infuriate me at times and frustrate me to no end some days, but I never stop loving them. This, for me, is a true example of what love is supposed to be. It’s unconditional. No matter what my children do, I always love them and I always will.

My family is a gift. I was blessed to be raised by good parents who love me and support me. I have wonderful brothers and sisters, who I remain close to, even though we don’t talk as much as we used to. We are very tight knit and I am thankful to have them.

I also have varying levels of friends that I am thankful for. I have friends who make me laugh, I have friends who I can cry on when I am struggling, I have friends that I talk to daily, and I have friends that I talk to only on occasion. They have each blessed my life with something. They have all come into my life when I have needed them. There are friends that I no longer talk to for a variety of reasons, but I am still thankful for the lessons I learned from them and for the time we shared.

I hope in return I am the kind of friend that also leaves people with something positive. That they are able to take away from the time they share with me, something that will enhance and enrich their lives in some way. I hope to be the kind of friend that people will feel blessed for knowing or having known me. I hope to be the kind of friend that doesn’t make people feel taken for granted or taken advantage of. I want to be the kind of friend that you can share your inner most personal thoughts and feelings with. To know that I will be the kind of friend that won’t desert you or betray you. I want to be the kind of friend that people have confidence in, to know that it is never my intentions to hurt anyone. I want to be the kind of person that you know you can trust to always be there.

Life is short, go live it.

Tears in Heaven

And the skies opened up
raining down all the tears in heaven
mourning for all the tortured souls and broken hearts
longing to find peace.

And the Angels came down
to comfort those in need,
only to find they had deaf ears
and couldn’t hear the message they had come to share.


(I know that I am not a poet. )

The Chains of Words

The Chains of words
They do confine me
At times, they even gag and bind me.

I hear their echo
Deep in my soul
They whisper the stories
That only I know

Aching to be released
Longing to set them free
The chains of words
Demons they be.

Tongue Tied

I have never been one of those super open women, the kind that can tell anybody everything. I usually have one or two good friends that I confide in and even then its in my nature to isolate myself when something is really bothering me. I have been working on this and trying to not retreat into solitude. I am honest and direct about most things, but when it gets personal, I often find that I stumble through the words to explain the thoughts and emotions I am experiencing. It’s not comfortable or natural for me to be that open. I had an experience recently that has me a little tongue tied at the moment. I do not fear rejection, I don’t fear misunderstanding, and so why is it so hard for me to just say what’s on my mind or how I feel? What is it I’m so afraid of? I am a little disappointed in myself right now. I feel like I could have, should have handled things differently (better) than I did.

You can learn from the past, but you cant live in it.

I am a sentimentalist; I savor precious memories, such as my children being born or camping with my dad. It’s sometimes nice to take a walk down memory lane. We can learn much from the things we experience. It helps to shape and mold us into the beings that we are. The problem comes when we try to live in those past experiences, the good or the bad. If we spend our entire time dwelling in the past trying to live, recreate or change those moments, we miss important opportunities in the now that could have a negative impact on our future. The laws of nature always push us forwards, never backwards. It’s good to learn from our past to avoid making the same mistakes over and over, but that’s not the time in which we live. Those moments are gone, and only the memories and feelings of those moments remain.