Stolen Minutes

I recently had the opportunity to “steal” a few more moments of summer. While fall is in full swing here in beautiful Washington State, the sun is still shinning in Las Vegas Nevada! It was so nice just to feel the hot air on my cheeks and to bask in the warm glow of sunshine. Of course, I came home to cold, clouds and rain…. This is Washington after all….

I grew up in the desert. There isn’t anything quite like the scent of sage and sand baking in the sunshine, or the vision of red rock jutting up from the earth against pale blue skies in all its quiet majestic glory. I never thought I would but I miss the desert, terribly. I thought for sure when I moved to Washington that I had found myself in heaven. I love the mountains, the endless pine trees, the thick, lush, green undergrowth and ferns. The weather is mild in both summers and winters and we don’t receive a lot of snow. There are ocean beaches to enjoy, mountains to explore and cities bursting with activity, hustle and bustle. I am finding that I miss the rhythm of the desert; it’s much slower than the high energy of Seattle. There is something about just walking through the sage brush, the smell of juniper, the heat from the sun kissing your skin.

The Art of Chaos

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks for me. I moved, I quit smoking, and I enrolled at a University. I have been busy from the time I wake up, until the minute I rest my head on the pillow….even though it’s not a guarantee that I will fall asleep as my mind continues to work, even though my body is DONE. Tonight is the first night I did not really have anything to do. Sure, I had things I COULD do… like laundry, cleaning, shopping, organizing and settling in from the “great big unpack”, but I found myself incredibly restless instead. I did not have the motivation to start yet another task. I have things that I want to do, like read a book or write something creative and wonderful, but even for those tasks I found I did not have the energy or presence of mind. I feel a little bit like a yoyo. I have been wound very tight, so tight now that my string won’t let loose for me to unwind. I feel it in my neck and shoulders; I feel it in the tension headaches. I have mentioned time and time again how I crave something simple, something routine. I thrive on structure. That’s not to say that spontaneity doesn’t have its place, but its routine in the routine that I desire. I want to have a set work schedule, I want to have a set schedule to study, I want to be able to sit and have a glass of wine or a cup of tea at the end of my day to relax and I want a friend to share it with. I feel like my days are running into each other with out a break in between. Even when I sleep, I don’t feel like I rest. I also feel like something is missing in my life, that there is a void. I don’t know what it is and so it’s hard to work towards filling it. I wonder if the chaos is a way for the subconscious to avoid facing something unpleasant or if the void is a direct result of the chaos and the unsettled feelings I have. I want the same things that every one wants. I want peace, contentment, happiness. I want to feel like my life fulfills a purpose. I want my life to be meaningful. I want to make a difference.